Showing posts with label Laughs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Laughs. Show all posts

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Halloween Warning to Witches: Don't Text and Fly!

Hat tip to M. J. Rose who posted this picture on Facebook. If is an appropriate warning to any would-be witch this Halloween season...


That isn't Hillary Rodham Clinton is it?















 
 

Thursday, September 04, 2008

“NOBODY CARES!”

It concerns what he considers to be one of the least important issues in his campaign, but I just had to write this post about it. For one thing, it is rather humorous. And secondly, it brings up a point that few Christians think about. David Brownlow, 2008 candidate for the U.S. Senate in Oregon, wrote:

"Gay" Marriage - A Call for the Separation of Marriage and State

We have spent way, waaaaay too much time worrying about this one. Marriage was intended to be a church issue - "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." That came from the Bible, not the Constitution, so why should we need a government license to engage in something GOD ordained from the beginning of time?


As usual, we waste a massive amount of effort fighting the symptom rather than trying to figure out what is causing the problem - which is that whatever we let the government license, the government will also regulate. Is it any wonder this has turned into a total circus? The proper solution is to get the government completely out of the marriage licensing business and let the churches handle it.

Scripture, common sense, as well as the anatomic realities, makes it undeniably clear that men were designed to procreate with women. (Well, duh!) However, if a particular church wants to break all the rules and make a mockery of the natural order of things, there is no need for us to get all shook up over it - just as long as we aren't forced to sanction or subsidize their behavior. The First Amendment applies equally - and particularly - to those who hold religious beliefs we may not agree with.

NO MARRIAGE LICENSE + NO TAX BREAKS + NO GOVERNMENT CONTROL = NOBODY CARES! Why does everything have to be done the hard way?

The “nobody cares!” part was what I thought was funny (and also the “well, duh!”). I never thought that I would see the word “anatomic” on a political campaign website. Speaking of anatomy, this guy isn’t afraid to step on anyone’s toes!

But the fact that most Christians have no idea what makes a marriage a real marriage is no laughing matter. Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well, “…for you have had
five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband." (John 4:18). But there was no such thing as marriage licenses at that time! Such a thing was not even invented until less than 150 years ago! Some countries even today don’t have marriage licenses. What are they supposed to do, illegally immigrate to the U.S.?

So if, according to the Bible, it isn’t a piece of paper that makes a marriage different than just “living together”, then WHAT IS IT? To find out, click
here. Then study the Bible for yourself to see if what we are saying is right.

For more on David Brownlow’s positions on the issues, check out my next post.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy

The last few days we have been dealing with some rather serious subjects, namely Abortion and Homosexuality. T.D. lightens the content somewhat and sends us some thoughts of one of the great philosphers of our time, Larry the cable guy. Thanks, T.D. I highlighted my favorites.



1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jetengines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.



Monday, April 28, 2008

World's Shortest Books



T. D. sends us the following list of some of the thinnest books in the world. Do you have any additional titles? Submit them in the comment section below.
.
.
.
.
_________________________________________________

FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac _________________________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Illustrated by Michael Moore
_________________________________________________

HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA _________________________________________________

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_________________________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
_________________________________________________

Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton
_________________________________________________

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT AMERICA by Osama Bin Laden with
an introduction by Jeremiah Wright
_________________________________________________

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates
_________________________________________________

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman _________________________________________________

THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry _________________________________________________

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC _________________________________________________

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J Kevorkian _________________________________________________

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel _________________________________________________

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson _________________________________________________

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_________________________________________________

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O.J. Simpson _________________________________________________

HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES by Ted Kennedy
_________________________________________________

BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson _________________________________________________

A Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy! By Nancy Pelosi
_________________________________________________


Friday, April 18, 2008

Dick Cheney’s Comedy Act

Vice President Dick Cheney spoke at the annual Radio and Television Correspondents dinner Wednesday evening. NewsBusted posted a YouTube video, which is embedded below. It highlights some of his best lines. I like his self-deprecating and sarcastic sense of humor.



Here a few of the highlights that impressed me most:

*** You all know how to make a guy feel welcomed. Obviously, you're not the kind to look down on a bitter man who clings to his guns. . .

*** It is exciting when the Pope comes to town and I am modest enough to realize that all of you would rather see the Pope than me. Instead of the successor to St. Peter, you're stuck with me, the successor to St. Al. Speaking of Vice President Gore, I am sorry to relate that he is a little bit sore at me. He is convinced that on global warming I just don’t get it. But lately with every passing day the evidence has been catching my attention. I have no doubt, none at all that we are in the midst of global warming, or as I prefer to call it – SPRING! And, I don't want to sound like an alarmist, but it's going to get a lot warmer before it gets cooler.

*** … It could also be that by sending me here the President is trying to soften up my image. After all these years, all the time we have spent together, he persists in thinking I come across as a cold, forbiddeing, even frightening man. But the President is not alone even my wife seems to think my image needs polishing. At breakfast today, I asked Lynn if deep down it bugs her that people have taken to calling me Darth Vader. She said not at all. It humanizes you. . .

.
*** But since it is our last time together at this dinner, I think it is enough to leave you with the words I once addressed to Senator Pat Leahy . . . go straight home, have a good night and thank you very much.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Obama's Wright House

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube video.

The Wright House

Barack Obama’s church is building a $1.6 million dollar mansion for retiring ‘Pastor’ Jeremiah Wright.

“Poor guy, no wonder he hates America.”

- - -
NewsBusted, Episode 153

America basher Jeremiah Wright retires to a gated community in the suburbs of the Windy City with a million dollar line of credit. If this is not a golden parachute I don’t know what is. What kind of message are the church in providing and Wright in accepting, sending the poor and needy in their congregation and community? Do they even care? Is this how the liberal apostate United Churches of Christ rewards a bigoted racist black militant supporter?

I would lump Wright with the Sharptons and Jacksons of this world who use race to bait, to divide and to line their own pockets. Obama has associated with Wright for twenty years, yet claims to desire to unite America. What kind of fools does Senator Obama think Americans are?

Monday, March 31, 2008

Gas + Cartoons = Gastoons

T.D., friend of this blog, sent us a series of cartoons about the high price of gas these days. I was impressed and rather than calling them CARtoons let's call these GAStoons! Here are three of my favorite:




Friday, March 28, 2008

Obama Takes Three O'Clock Phone Call

T.D. sends us this particularly unpresidential peek at one the current candidates for the U.S. Presidency. Thanks, T.D.
.
When you are faking a pose for a photo-op, you'd think he can at least get the phone turned in the right direction!

And he wants to be your President???


Even though this photo may have been doctored, it does demonstrate the inexperience of this relative political novice. Not only does he lack experience, but being a socialist he also stands on the wrong side of nearly every issue. He would be a very wrong and the very worst choice for America's highest office.

Terrorist Sympathizers

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted program episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch the entire 2-3 minute comedy YouTube video.

“The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) is releasing a new TV series where they portray Jesus’ betrayers, Judas and Pontius Pilate, as sympathetic.

“But don’t worry it is not going to be nearly as sympathetic as the BBC's portrayal of Islamic terrorists.”

- - - NewsBusted, Episode 152

In Britain, as in America, it is always okay to bash God, Jesus or true Christianity, but never false religions such as Islam, Secular Humanism (Atheism) or Buddhism. Universally, secular humanists, as many other false relgions of the day, hate all aspects of the Christian worldview and Christians. They seek to stamp it out and replace it wherever they can. The BBC's bashing is just the most recent example.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

My I.R.S. Tax Return

T.D. continues to send me some really brilliant stuff. Here is a letter to the IRS from one “satisfied” taxpayer. Thanks, T.D.


Dear Internal Revenue Service:

Enclosed you will find my 2008 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.

Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper; dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.

I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00.

Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return.

You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5" Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws).

One screw is enclosed for your convenience. It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,



A Satisfied Taxpayer

Polling the Terrorists

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube.com video.


“In a recent poll published by the Palestinian Center for Public Opinion, 49% of Palestinians oppose suicidal bombings in Israel.

“The other 51% are suicide bombers!”

- - - NewsBusted, Episode 151


Friday, March 21, 2008

Saving America

T.D. sent me the following joke, which I modified slightly to conform to my self-imposed equal-opportunity bashing guidelines. Thanks T.D.

Three Vision-Challenged "Leaders"


Senators Hillary Diane Rodham-Clinton, Barack Hussein Obama, and John Sidney "Amnesy" McCain were all on a boat. the boat sank. who got saved?????????





SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWER

















SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWER























SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWER




AMERICA ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Is Harming the Environment Sin?

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube video.

“A Catholic bishop has proposed making harming the environment an official “sin”.

“No word, however, on how the bishop feels about people lying about the environment for money, fame, power.”


- - -
NewsBusted, Episode 150


HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT IS ONLY ONE OF MANY SINS

Yes, deliberately wasting resources or harming the environment is wrong. It is sin, as are adultery, fornication, homosexuality, theft, murder, lying, assault, making, selling or viewing pornography, prostitution, and the list goes on and on . . .

Wherever there is a human being, there you will find a variety of sin. Man is imperfect. Only God is perfect!. For any so-called clergy to single out "harming the environment" is to overlook many more detestable sins such as abortion, which is taking the life (killing) of developing human beings. That is where true Christians and their preachers should pour their effort. The "religious" should expose rather than promote the false prophets such as Algore.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

What is the disgraced New York Governor’s Political Party Affiliation?

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube video.

Newsbusted has uncovered a major piece of information in the Eliot Spitzer story that has been overlooked by the Associated Press, the BBC, NBC, the LA Times and the USA Today.

“He’s a DEMOCRAT.”

- - -
NewsBusted, Episode 149


IS THERE MEDIA BIAS?

Seemingly inconsequential in the mainstream media coverage of the Elioit Spitzer story is the fact that Governor Spitzer had a "D" not signifying dumb, although he may have been that as well, but denoting a card-carrying member of the Democrat Party. Conversely, if a Republican made similar news the "R" standing for Republican would be overtly and repeatedly emphasised.

Unfortunately, there is double standard, a preferred political agenda, and great bias on the part of the mainstream media, This hiding or ignoring of pertinent facts, just supports that conclusion. This disservice on the part of the MSM is as much or more of a disservice to the public and to traditional American values, as what lead to Governor Spitzer's downfall.

Friday, March 14, 2008

The Domestic Terrorist ELF

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube.com video.

“The left wing terrorist group Earth Liberation Front apparently set fire to several large homes under construction in Seattle.

“But don’t worry. They purchased the appropriate offsetting carbon credits.”

- - -
NewsBusted, Episode 148

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

See Hillary Run, Hear Hillary Whine

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube.com video.

“In an interview on Nightline (Hillary) said it was tougher for her to run as a woman than it is for her opponent.

“(Yes,) If only she were black, admitted to past cocaine use, and had the same middle name of a genocidal maniac, she’d have this election in the bag.”


- - - from
NewsBusted, Episode 147

Friday, March 07, 2008

A Question of Patriotism?

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube.com video.
.

American-Flag-Pin-less Politician AP photo

.

“As you know by now a photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban has been circulating on the Internet.

“Also circulating are even rarer photos of Obama wearing an American flag pin on his lapel.”


- - -
NewsBusted, Episode 146

.

Does Patriotism Bore Potential President?

Friday, February 29, 2008

Chelsea’s Old House

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube.com video.


Chelsea Clinton says she has no plans to move back into the White House.

“I wouldn’t worry about it Chelsea.”


- - -
NewsBusted, Episode 144

Senator Barack Hussein Obama seems to have the nomination locked up. The nation is being swept by Obamania for some unfathomable reason. The final nails may be driven into the Clinton Political Machine’s coffin next Tuesday in Ohio and Texas.

Senator Hillary Diane Rodham-Clinton will secure the nomination only if something were to happen to the BaRockStar. Come to think of it, that eventuality may not be beyond the dirty tricks of the Clinton Political Machine. That is how desperate the Clintons want back in that old house. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Michelle Obama, honorary Dixie Chick?

NewsBusters is a conservative news and comedy website. Their newest NewBusted episode includes the excerpt below. See right panel of this blog and click on the video to watch this 2-3 minute comedy YouTube.com video.
.

Michelle Obama’s recent statement that for the first time in her adult life she’s proud of her country has caused a lot of flak for the Obama campaign.

“There is one bit of good news, though, she is now an honorary Dixie Chick.”


- - -
NewsBusted, Episode 143

See an earlier post regarding MichelleO's put down of America.

Friday, February 22, 2008

"The Al'Quedy Bunch" from the Blue Group

One of the readers of AGC . . . sent the following Blue Group video. It pokes fun at the very serious terrorist threat that America faces daily.