Land of the Lost (2009)

I can't help but comment that the title of this very bad movie might be more and more appropriate description of America these first six months of 2009. But no, the movie is not about the Democrats' demonic drive to destroy America. Though in many ways what the new administration and Congress is doing is as obscene and abhorrent as this silly movie. Actually the title is the best part of this movie.

I happened to get caught in a thunderstorm, when I got out of a meeting about healthcare reform in Columbus, Ohio several weeks ago. Because of the intensity of the storm, I decided to go to a movie. Rarely do I pay to attend a movie. I came across one of those mega movie theaters and decided to take a chance it was around 8 PM so I thought I surely would find a movie to watch. Surely with 12 movies there must be something to see. After asking a few questions of the ticket taker about a couple of the movies, I dislike animations, so I selected “Land of the Lost.” This movie was supposedly based on an old TV show. I do not remember the TV show. After watching the movie, I know I why I never watched the TV show.

I parted with $7.00 in order to get out of the rain for a few hours. It turned out that I had to walk out of the movie around the half-way mark. It was that bad. Now I know why I rarely go to movies. Actually, I would have been much better off had I stopped at Denny's and had a salad and read ta newspaper until the rain subsided.

Some of the words to describe this atrocious movie are:

· Inane
· Pointless
· Numbing
· Hollywood at its worst
· Vile
· Vacant
· Stupid
· Sophomoric
· Brainless
· Meaningless

I could go on and on. You get the point. Oh,MovieGuide.com called it “Putrid, Scatological Sci Fi.” Furthermore, here is how MovieGuide.com summarizes this totally worthless piece of trash:

““LAND OF THE LOST is a very vulgar remake of what was a children’s TV show, about a foul-mouthed, pompous scientist, his new assistant and a redneck survivalist, who accidentally get trapped in another dimension with dinosaurs, a caveman alien and a group of nasty, but slow-moving lizard men up to no good. Despite some very funny clean moments, LAND OF THE LOST is a rambling, abhorrent exercise in offensive, sexual, scatological, stoner jokes.”

RATING:

There is no audience suitable for this absolutely terrible movie. There is nothing, nothing redeeming about the movie. I made a big mistake taking a chance on seeing this movie. My biggest mistake was not leaving even earlier than I did. This is one of the few times I ever walked out on a movie.

I would unhesitatingly rate this movie - - stars out of *****. If there was a way to give a negative rating the movie would get a negative 5 stars.

I warn everybody and anybody don’t buy, rent, or watch this movie even for free. It is a toxic dump of a movie. Can I be anymore plain?

MovieGuide and my advise is to avoid this movie at all costs. I wish I had done that!

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ONE VERY BAD MOVIE, ONE REALLY GOOD MOVIE

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Contrast this terrible movie with the terrific movie I saw yesterday afternoon, which you will find in my next post. "Land of the Lost" and "The Stoning of Soraya M." are on the opposite ends of the movie quality spectrum.

WARNING: The Golden Compass Movie Is Hazardous To Family Values

I denounced the movie, The Golden Compass, in a previous article last month. This destructive movie is scheduled to open this weekend in a movie theater near you. Just don't go! No Christian should support this movie by purchasing a ticket or purchasing it as a DVD or even watching it on cable or free TV. It is based on a series of books by an atheist whose sole intent is to glamorize and encourage atheism. I urge you to avoid this film at all costs.

Please do not allow your children to watch it. It is corrupting and advocates wrongful attitudes and behaviors. The following is from an email I received today it contains a special message from MovieGuide.org. They have some important information to share with you about this unacceptable movie.

See Enchanted instead. Enchanted is a recommended great movie alternative to this not-so-Golden Compass.


Parental Alert: Compass the Movie Undermines Family Values


PARENTAL ALERT: This weekend your local theater will be showing a movie aimed at children that will undermine the values you are instilling in them.

THE GOLDEN COMPASS points children toward dishonesty, selfishness, rebellion, atheism, and the desire to kill their mothers!

THE GOLDEN COMPASS movie is based on a trilogy of children’s books by British author, Philip Pullman, who is an avowed atheist who has dedicated his life to undermining Christianity and the Church, especially among young readers. One of Pullman’s goals in writing these books is to be the “anti-Narnia” series.

HELP US GET THE WORD OUT.

Please encourage your friends and family members to avoid the movie. Unless they are warned, they may be attracted by the preview for the movie that features a little girl riding a polar bear and fighting what look like bad guys.

There are two reasons to avoid this movie and encourage others to do so as well:

FIRST: The message of the movie, and the books on which it is based, is anti-Christian propaganda. THE GOLDEN COMPASS movie features a dishonest, selfish and stubborn ‘heroine’ and is the opening to a story that glorifies atheism (primarily in the later two books). We believe in freedom of the press. Anyone can write a book or screenplay that makes Christians look sinister, stupid or wicked. That does NOT mean Christian parents need to buy that message and feed it to their children.

SECOND: In the movie business, the purchase of a ticket, or DVD, is a vote for more of something. If a studio loses money on an expensive anti-Christian adventure it is less likely to make more of the same. In this case, THE GOLDEN COMPASS is the first part of a trilogy that gets worse as it progresses. If THE GOLDEN COMPASS is a monumental flop the second and third book may never get made into movies.

While THE GOLDEN COMPASS movie is not as overtly anti-Christian as the books by looking at some of the excerpts from the novel you can see what the author hopes to teach children:

One fallen angel tells one of the novel’s young heroes, “The Authority, God, the Creator, the Lord, Yahweh, El, Adonai, the King, the Father, the Almighty – those were all names he gave himself. He was never the creator. He was an angel like ourselves – the first angel, true, the most powerful, but he was formed of Dust as we are, and Dust is only a name for what happens when matter begins to understand itself.”

When the heroine finally finds this “god,” he is ultimately described as a “demented and powerless” creature that “could only weep and mumble in fear and pain and misery.” The boy then kills this “god” by breaking him out of his crystal cell, thereby evaporating him. The only “god” in this universe is matter.

In the book, the Church is depicted as an organization bent on power, control and the torture of children by cutting.

The heroine in the story turns from the Church when she realizes, “there wasn’t any God at all and...the Christian religion is a very powerful and convincing mistake, that’s all.”

Children learn scripts of behavior from the movies and entertainment. The role model in this movie is Lyra who is commended for lying, stealing, cheating, and trying to kill her mother.

Even worse, the official website has an area where children can meet their own daemon. It says: “To discover your very own Daemon, look into your heart, and answer the following twenty questions openly and honestly. Your true character and the form of your Daemon will be reveled…”

There are many wicked movies made every year, but THE GOLDEN COMPASS is aimed at family audiences and is made to appear similar to Christian allegory THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE. Please help get the word out that this would be a movie to avoid.

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Movieguide is a ministry dedicated to redeeming the values of the mass media according to biblical principles, by influencing entertainment industry executives and helping families make wise media choices.
Movieguide® reviews movies from a biblical perspective. Movieguide® is a subsidiary of the Christian Film and Television Commission.