Land of the Lost (2009)

I can't help but comment that the title of this very bad movie might be more and more appropriate description of America these first six months of 2009. But no, the movie is not about the Democrats' demonic drive to destroy America. Though in many ways what the new administration and Congress is doing is as obscene and abhorrent as this silly movie. Actually the title is the best part of this movie.

I happened to get caught in a thunderstorm, when I got out of a meeting about healthcare reform in Columbus, Ohio several weeks ago. Because of the intensity of the storm, I decided to go to a movie. Rarely do I pay to attend a movie. I came across one of those mega movie theaters and decided to take a chance it was around 8 PM so I thought I surely would find a movie to watch. Surely with 12 movies there must be something to see. After asking a few questions of the ticket taker about a couple of the movies, I dislike animations, so I selected “Land of the Lost.” This movie was supposedly based on an old TV show. I do not remember the TV show. After watching the movie, I know I why I never watched the TV show.

I parted with $7.00 in order to get out of the rain for a few hours. It turned out that I had to walk out of the movie around the half-way mark. It was that bad. Now I know why I rarely go to movies. Actually, I would have been much better off had I stopped at Denny's and had a salad and read ta newspaper until the rain subsided.

Some of the words to describe this atrocious movie are:

· Inane
· Pointless
· Numbing
· Hollywood at its worst
· Vile
· Vacant
· Stupid
· Sophomoric
· Brainless
· Meaningless

I could go on and on. You get the point. Oh,MovieGuide.com called it “Putrid, Scatological Sci Fi.” Furthermore, here is how MovieGuide.com summarizes this totally worthless piece of trash:

““LAND OF THE LOST is a very vulgar remake of what was a children’s TV show, about a foul-mouthed, pompous scientist, his new assistant and a redneck survivalist, who accidentally get trapped in another dimension with dinosaurs, a caveman alien and a group of nasty, but slow-moving lizard men up to no good. Despite some very funny clean moments, LAND OF THE LOST is a rambling, abhorrent exercise in offensive, sexual, scatological, stoner jokes.”

RATING:

There is no audience suitable for this absolutely terrible movie. There is nothing, nothing redeeming about the movie. I made a big mistake taking a chance on seeing this movie. My biggest mistake was not leaving even earlier than I did. This is one of the few times I ever walked out on a movie.

I would unhesitatingly rate this movie - - stars out of *****. If there was a way to give a negative rating the movie would get a negative 5 stars.

I warn everybody and anybody don’t buy, rent, or watch this movie even for free. It is a toxic dump of a movie. Can I be anymore plain?

MovieGuide and my advise is to avoid this movie at all costs. I wish I had done that!

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ONE VERY BAD MOVIE, ONE REALLY GOOD MOVIE

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Contrast this terrible movie with the terrific movie I saw yesterday afternoon, which you will find in my next post. "Land of the Lost" and "The Stoning of Soraya M." are on the opposite ends of the movie quality spectrum.